What Happened

It wasn’t just that my dad died last June. On its own, that was a lot to deal with. A lot. But at the same time, the relationship I had been in for the past decade died too. And I didn’t really tell anyone for months. Even now, you reading this at this moment may almost double the number of people I’ve told this. Jesus, that sounds weird.

See, when something big happens it can act as cover for the other crap that’s going on. When you go through a breakup, you either don’t want to talk about it or you don’t want to talk about anything else. I didn’t even want to admit it to myself, honestly. I was like Eliot when Dr. Cox lost his perfect game.

(I was also like Dr. Cox when Dr. Cox lost his perfect game.)

I just didn’t think about it. My dad’s death didn’t just keep other people from asking about my relationship—more importantly, it distracted ME from thinking about it. In the weeks immediately after it happened, I stayed busy enough to grieve ONE of those losses, the one everyone knew about . . . the one I was prepared to accept.

After weeks and weeks of never stopping . . . I stopped. And then it all sank in. I had lost my father, and I had lost life as I had known it as well.

That was the point when I was completely knocked off course. Total numbness gave way to depression. Distraction gave way to obsession. I went from hiding from the truth to hiding in it. But all in all . . . I do feel like healing has been happening all along.

It’s still a long road. I frequently find myself angry about things that happened decades ago. Stuff rises to the surface, what can I say? But I’m finally to a place where it genuinely feels like I’m not just moving forward but actually back on my feet like a Michael Bolton song.

What can I say? I celebrate the guy’s entire catalog. Anyway. I actually have a few exciting things (back) in the works that I had to push the pause button on for awhile.

Writing for you is one of them. It’s good to be back. But I shouldn’t really say “I’m back” until you see a few of these in a row. But thank you for your patience, your interest, and your support.