Prêt-à-Porter Faith

If you’re wondering who the source of that quote is, I’ll respond with another quote:

Just in case I’m being unclear, the first quote was not pulled from a Taylor Swift interview, but the second song is a line from her song, “Anti-Hero,” thus alluding to the fact that the first quote was in fact something I said out loud to other people not long before the sentiment lost all relevance inside my head. There, I think I’ve distanced the self-attribution of that statement sufficiently to take the edge off the embarrassment it brings to its true owner.

In all seriousness, yes, that’s a common feeling among evangelical Christians even if it’s not voiced in so many words. But, in all fairness, it shouldn’t bring embarrassment. I’ll try to explain why.

I have undiagnosed ADHD, which I know is another way of saying I have no real clue if I have ADHD. But if the constant parentheticals and rabbit trails aren’t a dead giveaway to you, I’ll redirect the discussion with the one statement I rarely seem to be able to say to my own brain: It doesn’t matter. Move on. Whether a doctor would agree or not, I can say with factual certainty that I often find myself paralyzed by the need to exhaustively research any question or puzzle or uncertainty that captures my attention before moving on to the task or issue at hand, no matter how relevant that issue may be.

The sheer quantity of times I stop what I’m doing to ask myself, Wait, is that true? and then subsequently ponder if what I just said really is true only to discover 30 other rabbit trails that require my attention when the original question was something like Should I use the leftover bacon in the fridge to make a grilled cheese sandwich? . . . is frightening. (I end up missing quite a few lunches when left unattended.)

So when it comes to what to believe about the universe or morality or essential nuggets of wisdom for living, having a source document that effectively told my brain to stop wondering about it and move on was a godsend. Until I realized it was highly unlikely that God actually sent it. More on that later.

It’s a huge benefit to not have to research everything, to not have to expend huge amounts of our daily supply of cognitive energy on the questions that define our very existence, or, to add a metaphor to the mix, to watch a movie next to someone who tries to poke holes in every single detail and plot point throughout the entirety of the film—Dude, can’t you just accept the premise of the story and shut up?

Steve Jobs was famous for many inspiring, creative, history-redefining bits of genius, but the one people might think of most when they hear his name might be his patented habit of wearing jeans and a black mock turtleneck every day. If the godfather of iEverything didn’t want to waste time thinking about what to wear, why should I spend time every day wondering where the universe came from or if men are allowed to like men? Not thinking about it is the point, and it’s even more important than getting it right. Practically speaking, that’s true!

One of my favorite quotes is one that my favorite marketing guru, Denny Hatch, treads out all the time related to success in business:

Weird as that may sound, it applies really well to how organized, pre-packaged faith helps people move through life with the pace of the hare and the steadiness of the tortoise. I, on the other hand, have the propensity to plod through life at tortoise velocity, stopping every couple of steps to think about whether I’m on the right track. Having the Bible nearby to tell me, Dude, just accept it and keep going, was a big help.

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Then I started researching salvation. I started coming across the myriad, disparate interpretations of the same set of Bible verses. The conclusions weren’t even close, but the methods using for arriving at those conclusions didn’t seem to be all that different. Select a few verses, find a common thread, make a conclusion, explain the conflict presented by seemingly contradictory passages. It became clear that every conclusion made by every biblical scholar seemed to be made according to their own whims. There was no unifying defining thread through all 66 books in the Old and New Testaments by however many authors across however many centuries. People just made decisions about what to believe.

Accept it all without thinking? WHAT?!?!? I couldn’t do it anymore. And I spiraled.

It’s been about 15 years since that happened, and one of the big struggles in trying to reconstruct a belief system is not really having a go-to unquestionable source. I wish I had a magic statement to tell you that makes it all easy. I’m still trying to find balance between wondering for myself and relying on the wisdom supplied by all who’ve come before or walked alongside me on this planet.

What I can say is, I’ve learned to accept that I can’t know everything and that wondering is one of my favorite things to do, one of my favorite things about life, and one of the things I’m actually best at doing. I’ve grown more and more comfortable with charging forward on uncertain footing through uncharted territory. And I’ve learned to save some of my rabbit trails for later in favor of the paths that require my attention any given day.

And it’s jeans and the next t-shirt in line on the closet rod every day. I can’t be bothered with much fashion choice; I’ll happily spend my cognitive resources pondering what to believe, thank you very much.